"Cracked Mirrors" by Troy Hendrix, incarcerated for 23 years, and counting, maintaining his innocence

I often reflect on the countless experience that I have experienced during my existence, and this reflection brings with it a mixture of euphoria and melancholy. My heart swells with elation, whenever my thought's recall the blissful moments when I was free and far removed from solitude. The moments when my thoughts were filled with ambition, aspirations, and high hopes not pain, misery, and hopelessness.

I entered prison in 2003. In 2006, I entered the realms of solitary confinement ,and my placement had extended over 15 years. This sort of confinement was "supposedly" designed to "help" not hurt, but in all actuality, it inflicts nothing but destruction and devastation upon the mental and emotional well-being of anyone subjected to these conditions. The destruction that I have seen in others around me was a "mirror" reflection of what I have seen in myself. Nevertheless, I remained in denial for many years because I feared being the person that I seen reflected in that "cracked mirror".

Becoming a product of my environment has made me desensitized, and I lost a huge chunk of normalization. Before my placement in solitary, I had many flaws, but subjection to these isolated conditions for so long has exacerbated most of them and created a few new ones. I clearly recognized the exacerbation of my flaws upon seeing my reflection within this "cracked mirror".

For quite some time, I avoided looking at my reflection because I was unable to accept who I had become. This cruel confinement was designed to bend and twist your will power, test your resolve, and eradicate motivation. The subjection to this extreme isolation has been burdensome and has placed tremendous amount of strain on my mind and spirit.

I cannot narrow down or pin point one particular thing that constantly motivates me to maintain my constructive attitude. Today I could be motivated by a song, tomorrow's motivation could come from a book, and next week I could learn and be motivated by the the mistakes or success of others. Unfortunately, the things that motivates today could discourage and dishearten me tomorrow. Motivation is necessary in this dispiriting environment, especially since depression and hardship is inevitable.

Everyday I fight to avoid being blanketed by dark cloud's of depression. Everyday I do all I can to keep a tight grip unto my sanity, because insanity threatens me daily. And, everyday I build up the strength to face the person reflected within this "cracked mirror".

By Troy Hendrix

You can read more about Troy in the following articles:

"Why Troy Hendrix is an innocent victim of wrongful conviction and imprisonment";

"No Beauty in This Beast" by Troy Hendrix, incarcerated for 23 years, and counting, maintaining his innocence